Dads today are navigating a frontier of fatherhood – social media sites. The challenges we face raising kids in the age of social media is something that our fathers and grandfathers never had to deal with. We grew up in an early digital age where chat rooms and AIM were the closest things we had to social media. And that was at an age where we had (mostly) developed enough maturity to use it (somewhat) responsibly.
At that point in time, we were using the internet on a PC or laptop. With a screen that size, it was harder to conceal any mischief too. Our children today now access the internet on a smartphone or tablet. According to Common Sense Media, 53% of kids today have their own phone by the age of 11. Once they get their first smartphone they will have practically unlimited access to all forms of information imaginable right at their fingertips. Sooner rather than later, your child will want to download some form of social media apps and register an account just like everyone else that they know.
So, what is the best age for children to get their own social media accounts?
Well, it depends. (Which is an Ultimate Dad answer to any question, ranking slightly behind the answer of “We’ll see.”)
It depends on your child. All children are different, so all children will have different challenges and different maturity levels to deal with social platforms. The right time for your child may be different than that of his or her friend’s age. To help you decide if your child is at the right age, asking yourself the following questions could be helpful.
How do I set the right Example?
First, most social media platforms’ age requirements are a minimum of 13 years of age, according to their terms of service. This is a good place to start. Kind of like the directions that read “Install per manufacturer’s instructions”, it is wise to take their word for it when it comes to age limits. We can take for granted that the social media giants and their developers care just enough (or have just enough legal obligation) to research what would be minimum age restrictions for use of what they have developed.
Disregarding this would also set a bad precedent too. If your children see or realize that you do not care to bend the rules, why should they? It is certainly a good idea for you to set a good example in front of your children as they navigate the digital world. This is a good way to send a powerful message where your child can see that “if Dad is going to follow the rules, then maybe I should too.” Thus, our first recommendation is to wait until at least age 13 for a child to get their first social media account.
Can I deal with my child becoming addicted?
Next, ask yourself how you feel about giving your 13 year old an addictive substance. Would you feel comfortable doing that? One of the risks of social media is that it can be highly addictive. Positive responses on social networking sites lead to the release of dopamine, causing the user to want more and more. Once social media is introduced, are you disciplined enough to set boundaries and limit the amount of time spent on social media to prevent this from becoming an addictive behavior? Do you have the self-control to stand up and say, “OK, that’s enough screen time for today.”? The best way to prevent addiction is to set clear rules from the beginning and be determined to stick with them.
How comfortable am I with my child talking to people they do not know?
Are you ok with your child interacting with strangers on social media? Do you trust the maturity of your child at age 13 to respond to a tweet that ultimately leads to a prolonged discussion with someone who could potentially be a convicted felon? How would your child react if he or she posts a photo to their Instagram account only to be ridiculed by classmates? Online predators are a real thing and something that you should look out for. Your child should also be mature enough to understand the potential risks associated with social media use. Because of this, your child should understand the dangers of sharing their personal information such as phone numbers or email even email address with someone they don’t know on the internet.
He or she should be able to recognize what cyberbullying is, how to deal with it, and how to avoid it. Being able to understand the effects of cyberbullying others is a must as well. A level of maturity that would allow him or her to see how the treatment of others could harm them mentally or emotionally is necessary. It takes a certain level of intellect to recognize that even though your child is communicating to a screen, he or she is still communicating to a human on the other side.
Does your child understand that the internet is forever?
Does your child understand that the internet is permanent? At what age would you trust yourself with comprehension of this topic? With social media still being relatively new, we still do not know how this can be used against us in the future. Many young people are not far sighted enough to get this concept. A child should have reached an age where he or she can understand that this is one of the risks associated with social media where anything and everything posted on a social media account can be seen by the entire world. Children should have developed enough self-restraint to avoid posting pictures that they would not want their parents to know about, or making comments that could be used against them later in life. They must understand that their words and their actions have consequences – and those consequences may show up when they least expect them.
Can your child deal with the physical and emotional strain?
Children also need to have developed enough mental and emotional stability to realize when enough is enough. They need to know how to handle what they are dealing with. They need to know that by spending all afternoon on social media, that they could be damaging their physical and mental health. Too much screen time can cause strain on the eyes and lack of activity that can ultimately lead to deteriorating physical health.
Strain on the mind and emotions can come from a constant need to check the number of likes of their latest post. Understanding that the regular use of social media could negatively affect real life relationships at home, as well as cause a constant feeling of missing out. Others may develop low self-esteem from the lack of or denial of friend requests from their peers. By middle school age, many kids are starting to feel peer pressure becomes stronger among their friends and classmates in addition to issues such as the concern for their body image. You may want to ask yourself if your child has developed the emotional skills to deal with these issues. Younger children simply may not be emotionally ready for the demands of social media.
It’s Tough
Let’s face it, we all know that we snuck behind our parents’ backs to get away with as much as we could as teenagers. What would you have done at age 13 with a smart phone and access to social media? Would you have ventured into places that you would not want your child to be? Your child needs to have reached an age that he or she is trustworthy enough to avoid situations of exposure to inappropriate content and interactions with others. In our opinion, most 13-year-olds are not that mature.
When contemplating this topic for my own children, I realize that this is a slippery slope. Once social media is permitted, there is no going back. This is something that is ingrained in our lives today and no dad wants to be the bad guy who does not let his children have a social media account whatsoever. It would be wise to consider waiting before opening that can of worms. In the end, we have decided that our children will at least be in high school before being allowed to have a social media account such as Twitter, Snapchat or Instagram.