Your wife told you she’s pregnant? It is about to get real, brother! You are about to embark on a lifelong journey with a level of responsibility that you will never have imagined. Starting right now, there is another life for which you are 100% responsible. As the expectant father, it is your job to be there with your wife each step of the way, including the prenatal visits with the obstetrician – and all other prenatal visits along the way.
What is the Ultimate Dad’s Role in the First Prenatal Visits?
Because she is the one whose body will be going through such demand and transformation, more than likely she will be nervous. It is your job to be calm and supportive. If this is her first pregnancy or if she has had a miscarriage in the past, anxiety levels will be even higher. Although you cannot make any promises or guarantee her that everything will be ok, you can try to reassure her. Tell her that you have no reason to be concerned about the pregnancy going wrong. Remind her that you will be there for her every step of the way. Remind her that you will rub her back when she is 30 weeks along or that you will be her shoulder to cry on when the strain of pregnancy is taking its toll on her.
Talking about any questions the two of you may have ahead of time is a good way to be prepared. Her healthcare providers will be supplying a lot of new information during this visit, and at times it can feel overwhelming. As a result, you may forget to ask specific questions that have been on your mind. Your job can be to make a list of questions and to help remind her and ask these questions if need be. Knowing that you will be there to help get the answers she needs will take a little of the load off her mind.
Yes, she will be the one bearing the child and must endure the strain associated with it, but this is also your child that she is carrying. It is understandable and justified that you will be nervous too. Participating and being a part throughout the visit will help you feel involved. Asking a lot of questions and getting those answered will ease your mind about any concerns you may have. You can also calm your nerves by being prepared. Knowing what the first visit will consist of will take the feeling of the unknown away. So, what happens during the first visit?
First OB Appointment
First, Dad, the OB/GYN doctor’s office is a girl’s club. Just get used to it. Whether your wife’s doctor is a man or woman, it does not matter. From the top down, they all have something in common and an understanding of biology, anatomy, physiology, and hormones that you simply will not have. The doctor and nurses will be talking primarily with your spouse. You will likely be treated as a fly on the wall and only be spoken to in passing. But you are working on becoming the Ultimate Dad, so you are here to make sure you at least have a working knowledge of what goes on in this unofficial club and where you fit in.
Disclaimer: Each doctor’s office is different, but many couples can expect something like what is described below.
Ladies with no history of complications or pregnancy loss tend to have their first appointment at 8 weeks. Gestational age is calculated from the last menstrual period, or LMP as you will hear in prenatal visits.
At the beginning of the visit, the two of you will likely meet with the nurse to go over some paperwork. The nurse will question you and your spouse about your overall health and whether you have any preexisting conditions. Any health conditions that appear in your immediate family will also need to be discussed with the nurse as some of these can be hereditary such as genetic disorders. It is imperative that your prenatal care providers know about this so that they can perform any test to know how to plan accordingly as the pregnancy.
Your role: Check with your immediate relatives about any family history of health concerns of which you may not already be aware. You may not be ready to announce the pregnancy to your family yet, so you may have to get creative in your approach to getting these questions answered. Discuss with your spouse any concerns or questions you may have about either of your overall health history.
Some obstetricians will order a panel of blood tests at this point. A few things that are checked for include: blood type, white blood cell count, red blood cell count, hemoglobin, platelets, hepatitis, and HIV. White blood cell count will give an indication of her immunity, while the red blood cell count can indicate anything from internal bleeding to kidney disease to heart disease. Measured levels of hemoglobin and platelets will serve as a baseline going forward throughout the pregnancy. Some prenatal care providers will perform genetic testing from these blood test that can look for certain issues such as down syndrome or cystic fibrosis.
A urine sample is also taken by most OB practitioners during most prenatal appointments. Protein levels are measured from this sample that could indicate preeclampsia or pregnancy induced hypertension. Sugar present in the urine could indicate gestational diabetes, and bacteria would likely indicate a urinary tract infection.
Your role during the tests: Know what is going on. Understand why they are needing to perform urine tests and blood tests and what they are looking for. Maybe you will be able to answer a question for her or comfort her if she is uneasy about needles. If nothing else, you may just be able to score a few brownie points.
One of the more exciting, but also stressful aspects is the ultrasound. Being able to see your little baby’s heartbeat for the first time can generate an avalanche of emotions, but can also be treacherous as the ultrasound tech tries to measure the fetus and its heartrate knowing that it could indicate either a healthy pregnancy or one that will not likely continue to progress. The tech will measure the length of the fetus to get an accurate to determine if it has grown and developed to the size that it should be at 8 gestational weeks, as well as helping to determine an accurate due date. A heart rate measurement is typically taken and should be between 120 and 170 bpm. During this ultrasound, the ovaries are typically measured, and photos are taken of the uterus as well.
Your role: Help keep her calm by holding her hand, putting your arm on her shoulder or whatever she would prefer. Know your wife and her personality. Some ladies like to be comforted in this way while others prefer not to be bothered. Share the joy in seeing baby’s heartbeat for the first time. If things do not go as hoped, be a shoulder for her to cry on. Just be the support person she needs in this time of joy or heartache.
Lastly, you will meet with the primary prenatal care provider, which in many cases is the obstetrician. He or she will go over the importance of a daily regimen of quality prenatal vitamins, discuss the results of the urine test, blood test, ultrasound, any health problems she may have, and any risk factors the two of you may face as the pregnancy progresses from the first trimester into the second trimester. If there are any concerns with the test results, you may be determined to be a high-risk pregnancy. This is not necessarily a major concern, but the birth plan may have to be altered to address the associated risk factors. The prenatal care provider may also address common first trimester symptoms such as morning sickness and exhaustion as well as introducing dietary restrictions such as avoiding deli meats throughout the pregnancy.
Now for the awkward part. After your discussion with the obstetrician, he or she will likely check to ensure the cervix is closed. If she has not had her yearly pap smear and pelvic exam yet, they will also likely want to conduct that at this point.
Your role: Do not make the setting in the exam room more awkward. No doubt she does not enjoy this, so do not add to her stress by making the scene more awkward. There is not much for the Ultimate Dad-To-Be here other than to be supportive of his wife!
The first OB appointment is just the first step on the unspeakable joy of fatherhood. Being present and an active participant is the way to get your journey to become the Ultimate Dad started on the right foot. The next nine months will seem so long at times, but so short in others. Enjoy and savor the process. It is a special time. Now is the time to lay the foundations of being the father that is always there for his wife and children. So start being the Ultimate Dad right now!